- The ability to jump ridiculously far, but you have poor depth perception
- The ability to fly, but you have narcolepsy
- The ability to run super fast, but you go blind
- The power of super-strength, but only under water
- The ability to go through walls, but it only works 50% of the time, and you have to be running at top speed
- The power of invisibility, but you have Tourette syndrome
- The ears of a bat but you can only hear farts, and ability of echolocation but only achieved with farts
- All your skin has the ability to camouflage itself as anything, except for on your ass
- The ability to communicate with animals, but only in sexual innuendos
- The power to travel backward and forward in time, but whenever you arrive it is always to someone secretly masturbating
