Big Pharma Funds Study on Laxative Effects from Papa Gino’s

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Dedham, MA – For decades now, pharmaceutical companies have been working on all different kinds of medicine to help sufferers of constipation. Amitiza, Linzess, Cephula, and Mirilax are some of the top companies that help in softening stool, but none of them are 100% effective. After a scientist at one of these companies ate at a Papa Gino’s on the way home from work one night, he realized he had to find the ingredients to the pizza because he has uncontrollable poops for the next few days.

“I left PharmMed late one night and missed dinner back home,” Marvin Simpson told us. “I never had eaten at Papa Gino’s before, but I thought it would be a quick and tasty dinner. It was both of those things, however, that’s not all it was. I spent that whole night and the next day on the toilet. I couldn’t believe anything could make me feel that way.”

Simpson returned to work the next day feeling a little better and was ready to bring up a new idea to his boss. “I had only been with the company a few months, but I was really trying to climb my way to the top,” the Boston native told us. “I couldn’t come up with anything that hadn’t been done yet, but then I stumbled upon this pizza place.” Simpson’s boss and co-workers didn’t take him seriously. It wasn’t until he brought in a large Papa Gino’s pizza for all of them that they got the point.

Simpson’s boss reached out to his higher ups and proved to them how powerful the pizza could be in solving constipation in so many people. Simpson, his boss, and his colleagues were offered a grant to study the pizza and its ingredients and find out what they could do to create a new pill or liquid to help solve the problem that over 65 million people in North America have to face.

Simpson and his company were not able to get any information from Pizza Hut regarding their ingredients. Their representative would not answer any questions and simply stated that the pizza is healthy, delicious, and that the crew must’ve just had a negative reaction to the pizza. The grant money that the government is giving to PharmMed will be used to breakdown the ingredients in the pizza and find out what it is the causes people to poop constantly and uncontrollably.